Pharaoh Steve Ballmer has a vision


1. And it came to pass at the end of two full years, that Ballmer dreamed: and, behold, he stood by the river.

2. And, behold, there came up out of the river seven well-favoured PCs which plugged themselves in to a network.

3. And, behold, they can several miserable spec PCs, even ones with no keyboard, and some were not PCs at all but phones. And they did eat up the seven well-favored and fat kine. And they too became fat. And low there were mighty clouds and it did rain down upon the land and layeth low the mountains.

So Ballmer awoke and was perplexed.

4. And it came to pass in the morning that his spirit was troubled; and he sent and called for all the magicians of the Tech press and all the analysts thereof: and Ballmer told them his dream; but there was none that could interpret them unto Ballmer .

5. Then spake the chief butler unto Ballmer , saying, I do remember my faults this day. When I was doing time for embezzlement there was this bloke in the can who was pretty good at dreams.

6. Then Ballmer sent and called Sinofsky , and they brought him hastily out of the dungeon: and he shaved himself, and changed his raiment, and came in unto Ballmer .

7. And Ballmer said unto Sinofsky , I have dreamed a dream, and there is none that can interpret it: and I have heard say of thee, that thou canst understand a dream to interpret it. He did tell Sinofsky of his dream.

8. And Sinofsky answered Ballmer , saying, God hath showed Ballmer what he is he is doing unto the technology industry.

9. The seven good PCs are reasonable technology which worketh well and which did create the network called the world wide web. It giveth ordinary people power and price and all it requireth is a desk to site upon and power to use.

10. And the seven thin and ill-favored PCs are gimmicks with low power, will cost a bomb and be largely useless. They will eat the true PCs and attract all the attention in the media.

11. This is the thing which I have spoken unto Ballmer : What God is about to do he showeth unto Ballmer .

12. Behold the world shall suffer from second rate computers and the development of useful PCs shall be curtailed. For is it not written that even Jobs’ Mob shall kill off their Mac Pro and leave the publishing industry?

13. And the power of technology shall fall into myriad data centres which shall be known as clouds and these shall lay low the mighty and maketh the world as shallow as a TV personality, or even as superficial as a Fox News item on poverty.

14. But knowth this, that it all be a distortion field of reality. For the Demons that Spin shall be about the land and maketh the truth look daft and the daft look like truth.

  1. A man who would have a PC on his desk and an Internet connection which is as wide as the river Nile should be able to do much more than someone with a smartphone, for is it not written that God poureth scorn on the tablets which are likened unto a chocolate teapot.

  2. Therefore God sayeth a company which is built on the rock of the PC is as good as it ever was. Letteth not the thin client, or the tablet, nor the smartphone fool thee. It is more useful on a PC.

  3. Let Ballmer tell unto the world that he is waiting for Windows 8 to come out before he embarks on the quest for the tablets, smartphones and their ilk.

  4. But Ballmer said “Is that not two years away? Shall the people be looking unto Microsoft for its product and find it not.

  5. But Sinofsky did say “in two years time, the world will be tired of tablets and low powered gear that does not work. They will look unto a new experience and find it in Windows 8.”

  6. And Ballmer said “sheesh that is what I call thinking” and thus he made it so and did reward Sinofsky even unto a huge bonus.