Gartner spews jargon soup

Gartner is drooling word soup after a clear overdose on jargon, in a new report that we can’t make much sense of.

We think it’s something about improving businesses by getting people to work with each other in a virtual environment. Of course, the unique Gartnerese for such a suggestion is “cross-functional communication and collaboration”. If you think that was a mouthful, take a look at the rest of the release.

Because regular collaboration is not good enough, CIOs should embrace “extreme collaboration” (XC) [sic], which Gartner claims is a ‘new operating model’.

XC, Gartner would have us misunderstand, is enabled by “combing four nexus forces” into a pattern, because having your nexus forces tangled looks messy and unprofessional. This can “dramatically change the way people behave, communicate, work together and maintain relationships”.  

Janelle Hill, VP at Gartner. claims that collaboration is a critical activity in structured and unstructured business processes. An XC environment is “essentially a virtual war room or crisis centre”, where people can come together to collaboratively work on a shared purpose.

Because the environment can be available 24/7 people can work when, where and how they need to meet shared goals and outcomes.

Gartner later says that businesses should create a  ‘tweet jam’, which is a cross between raspberry and whale. Once the tweet jam has been left to set, the analyst house advises monitoring workers to make sure they don’t eat it all.

*Here’s Gartner’s definition:

“We use the term XC to describe a new operating model as well as a behavior — a collaboration style. To succeed as a new operating model, XC must accomplish three things:

“Elevate the human sensory experience in the virtual space

“Enable participants to find and reach each other to form and enhance relationships, breaking through real or perceived barriers (such as organisational alignment, reporting relationships, geography, time zones and even language)

“Leverage machines into the collaboration (that is, enable machine-to-machine and machine-to-human interaction)”