Hey Hollywood! We can stand for brainless gore-porn horror flicks, we can just about forgive you for spitting out the Sex and the City movies, as long as we never see them. Remaking The Wicker Man with Nicolas Cage? We’re still sore, but we’ll get there.
But what is it with you and technology? You have officially run out of ideas. First HeadNerd of the internet Zuckerberg gets his story about coding a social network turned into a hammy blockbuster thriller. And now you are seriously, without irony, considering turning an iPhone game into a feature length film. There’s a game called Angry Birds and it features Angry Birds. The development team behind it have been doing the rounds in Hollywood and even talking to showbiz mag Variety about the potential.
In the game, playing as an angry bird, you must hit pigs with a slingshot and that’s about it. Then again, with Hollywood behind high-concept art such as “Hotel for Dogs” and its ilk it may be no surprise that the CEO of Angry Bird development team Rovio, Mikael Hed, says it’s all about branding.
Talking to Variety he said: “It doesn’t make sense to produce a slate of different games when you have a hit of any calibre. When you create brand equity, to do that again would be a difficult task rather than nurture and build around what you have.”
Angry Birds sounds more like a Television X offering than a playful animation to us, but whatever.
Here are a few more tech concepts that, taking into consideration Facebook and Angry Birds are both on the cards, we could see happen.
Twitter: It’d be like when Pixar released “A Bug’s Life,” the mega successful CGI hit, and rival Dreamworks rushed to hop onto the short-lived films about ants craze with one of their own, Antz. Antz had Woody Allen doing a voiceover for a neurotic ant and it was far better. We’re suggesting Twitter cashes in off the back of Angry Birds and Facebook by combining both. Twitter is after all already a hybrid between cartoon birds and social networks. The villain of the piece would, obviously, be The Fail Whale.
Blue Screen Of Death: A gripping horror in which a man in the mid nineties is working late in the office trying to finish a report, but the save function on his word processor is broken! And someone spilt tea on his tower last week. Will he finish the report and print it out or will he have to face the… Blue Screen Of Death?
Mouse: Much in the spirit of Stuart Little, an average every day computer mouse goes to stay with a middle class suburban white family. But there’s a difference to this mouse… he can talk! Usually he doesn’t get very far because he’s not wireless or even USB, he’s one of those really old ones that are a pain in the arse to unplug. He does tell the kids all about Dad’s weird late-night web browsing though, with hilarious consequences. And tragic consequences.
The Passion Of The Jobs: Again we’re in rip off territory, it’s essentially Passion Of The Christ but charts Jobs’ horrific persecution at the hands of Microsoft. Right at the very end he crucifies himself by releasing a phone that doesn’t work. His loyal acolytes storm in and fawn over his crucified carcass, their sad tears ebbing all over his ragged black turtleneck. The stroking of Jobs’ ego revives him from death and he goes on to sell overpriced shiny things for the next thousand years.
Ballmer: In contrast to the very serious The Passion Of The Jobs, Ballmer is a hilarious buddy comedy in which a bumbling executive just can’t seem to get anything right! This is a buddy comedy with a twist – because he has no buddies! Watch Ballmer stumble, fall over, dance in front of large audiences, make bad calls, blabber on and throw chairs about in the uproarious feel-good hit of the Summer.