The United Kingdom has ground to a halt after being paralysed by a small Balkan nation at 3pm today.
We don’t know what the deal is, but offices have been abandoned and people are ignoring our calls even more than usual.
Office buildings are vacant and a walk around town is mysteriously quiet, save for bizarre, ritual chanting from cryptically named buildings such as “The Montague Pyke” around Tottenham Court Road and “The Knights Templar” just off of Fleet Street. The chanting is interrupted by irregular shouting, whooping and hollering.
We heard rumours that some of our mates at Octopus Comms are out of the office. When we called up to see what was going on, they just kept trying to discuss our goals with us – we’re baffled.
Business hasn’t been this quiet since the Ash Cloud appeared over Europe after a volcano called something like Eieahrnikengalieatjeiltrjwylwrjylrkstrleyrketyley erupted.
But what’s the story here? As far as we’re aware, flights are still operating and business should be usual. A source who did not want to be named mentioned something about Slovenia.