While Apple and Samsung had resumed settlement talks, lawyers from both sides have expressed difficulties with one another. Judging by the language the pair are using, we can see the problem.
Samsung’s lead attorney John Quinn, who referred to Apple as a “jihadist” and called the protracted trial “Apple’s Vietnam”. Meanwhile Samsung said that Apple has been arrogantly lording over it using court victories to dictate any possible future settlement terms.
Word on the street is that neither side particularly wants, or needs to settle nor they can probably keep this up for decades. The only problem is that it will get incredibly boring for those of us who have to report it.
What we suggest is that there should be a better range of insults to increase the standard of coverage. After all jihadist is good, but it does not really say much. The court battle really wasn’t Apple’s Vietnam, because it won. It was more of the sort of victory of Greek King Pyrrhus of Epirus in which it won but lost.
We have a list here which we feel might help both sides develop insults which are more interesting and reportable.
“Your father was a hamster and your mother smelt of Blackberries.”
“Your mother swam after troop ships.” To which the reply is “your mother caught them.”
“Your smartphone looks like it was designed by Steve Ballmer.”
“Your head looks like a rounded rectangle.”
“You can’t even make a smartwatch on time.”
“You can only win in front of an American kangaroo court.”
“See that Judge Lucy Koh? She’s your girlfriend she is, you love her.”
“See that round box which goes moo when you turn it over? That is your Apple sound system that is.”
“See that bean can with a hole punched in it with a piece of photographic paper attached to the open end? That is your camera system that is.”
“You have the marketing strategy of RIM.”
“Your phone is so out of date the video shows cave paintings,”
“Your operating system is so under developed, it can be legally aborted.”
“Your security system is so bad that it was adopted by Group 4 Security to make prisoners’ lives easier.”