Apple helps fanboys get sex

Apple’s new Siri voice-control system apparently has a feature which directs you to local prostitutes if you say you make a reference to feeling horny.

We are not sure how the Daily Mail found this out, but we are impressed that Apple seems to support local busineses and might generally reduce collective sexual tension amongst fanboys.

If you tell your phone ‘I am horny’ or ‘Do I make you horny?’ to the handset, it uses the GPS to bring up numbers of nearby ‘escort’ services.

While it is OK if you want a little company, if you ask for cocaine or heroin, the handset recommends nearby rehab centres instead.

Unlike other Apple programming, this “controversial” feature was deliberate and an example of the Siri developers sense of humour, which the Daily Mail, of course, fails to get.

While expounding about the risks to fanboys, the Daily Mail moans that the service is only available in the US as searching for either hard drugs or prostitutes from the UK brings up an error saying that the phone can only find ‘businesses’ in the US.

In fact this should probably be the angle of the story. The iPhone 4S is being marketed by Apple on the basis of the Siri beta program. In fact it is one of the few things which are different between the iPhone 4 and the iPhone 4S.

It appears that the software was rushed onto the phone before it was cooked to convince iPhone 4S users they were buying something different.

But Siri can’t look for places outside US, like in Canada or in United Kingdom.  Yelp looks for businesses, directions and traffic with Google Maps, and the impressive Wolfram Alpha encyclopedia-like searches are US exclusive. 

Siri is apparently packed full of geeky jokes. For example if you say ‘Open the pod bay doors’ it brings up a message saying ‘I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Dave.’ Other than that, the feature is remarkably like the “shrink” program from the 1980s. Other than giving Apple fanboys a pretend friend, it is not going to help humanity evolve much and, like the Shrink program, you are going to get bored of it in about six minutes and see what happens when you get abusive to it.