Apple boss promises shareholders new shapes

The poor man’s Steve Jobs, Tim Cook has admitted that he can no longer base Apple on the single innovation of the rounded rectangle.

For the last year or so, Apple has relied on using its invention, the rounded rectangle, as its latest innovation – patent trolling – until other mobile gadget companies had to come up with new ideas.

Now, according to CNET, Cook has had to reassure shareholders (again) after dependence on the rounded rectangle had caused the company’s value to plunge 37 percent in five months.

Cook had done his best to recycle the rounded rectangle cash cow, firstly by added the ability to use voice search and then by adding a map programme which helped a person get lost anywhere in the world.

Cook had to admit to shareholders that the polygon really has gone this time and new innovations are required.

He said that crack teams of Apple designers were coming up with new shapes which had never been seen before. He did not say what they were, but Apple insiders suggested that a rhombus had been ruled out because the trademark was owned by the Rome transit authority, and a circle was deemed pretty pointless. At the moment the hot favourite is understood to be an elipse, which no one has thought about yet. Apple insiders think it will be a super cool game changer.

Cook, who was just awarded a super cool game changing pay cut for his work in Apple over the last year, refused to specify what Apple’s R&D team have been working on.

Some think that Apple might copy Samsung’s watch or Intel’s new TV-related product. All that requires is some extensive marketing to make people think Cupertino invented it first. This was what happened when Apple invented the MP3 player and the tablet.

Shareholders are still confident in the company’s leadership though – the entire board was re-elected with Cook getting 99 percent of votes. This is not bad considering that there were no other candidates to vote for. But, hell, democracy is like a rounded rectangle – it goes around only if you are a square.